


Mess is Mine

by Life_Is_Fucked



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, But she still falls for Supergirl, F/F, Lena is a villain, Probably a slowburn, Supergay, There's a reason she becomes a villain, angsty af, just wait, set like right before 2x12
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Life_Is_Fucked/pseuds/Life_Is_Fucked
Summary: Lena Luthor has been feeling off ever since her mother went to jail. She blamed herself initially, but then something changed and she started blaming Supergirl as well, Superman too, even though he had nothing to do with her mothers capture. As time goes by she starts having more and more thoughts along those lines, blaming them for things happening, blaming aliens in general. It leaves a bad taste in her mouth as her thoughts start sounding like Lex's speeches, how she starts believing things he said. She starts going through his work, she tells herself it's just a precaution, but something tells her it isn't when she finds the blueprints for a super suit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: So I haven't written in a long time and this is unbeta'd so, sorry if I'm rusty and it's full of mistakes. But yeah, hope you like it!

It was nearing midnight in National City, most of the lights in L-Corp had been turned off hours ago. But Lena’s office was still partially lit up, the lone lamp on her desk casting shadows around the room. She huffed and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes as she rubbed her temples, frustration building. In front of her laid the abandoned blueprints for a super suit similar to Lex’s that she found while going through his things.    
  
She had decided to keep these in the off chance they were needed, if he or her mother got any crazier ideas and came after her again. Or maybe, in the off chance she decided to be a hero like Supergirl, helping others would surely change what people thought when they heard the Luthor name. She tried to push out the sound of her brother’s voice in the back of her mind, _“Just incase they need to be stopped and I can’t do it myself,”_ he said to her when he first showed her the initial sketches. She had just forced a smile and nodded, as she usually did when he started his anti-alien rhetoric.    
  
She tried to silence the niggling voice whispering how he might have been right every time she heard about civilians caught in the crossfire, of buildings left burning and crumbling in the aftermath. Thoughts of Kara flashed through her mind, of _her_ getting hurt or even worse. It made her chest ache. She leaned forward, burying her face in her hands and leaning on her elbows as the feelings she’d been ignoring for Kara tried to bubble to the surface. She pushed them back down, assuring herself that the blonde was her first friend after all, that’s why she cared so much.   
  
Her thoughts turned to Supergirl then, how she seemed so kind and warm, so honest and good. Maybe if Lex had become friends with her he would have never became-, she paused for a moment trying to think of the right word; zealot? Madman? She shook those thoughts from her head, because no, he still would have turned on aliens, he would have had even more ammo for his "cause" as he called it if he met Supergirl, she mused. Although she helped National City immensely, she also caused much more damage than Superman when it came down to it.    
  
She thought back to the first year where she didn’t have the control Superman had, causing oil spills, train explosions, multiple buildings needing costly repairs, some even needing complete rebuilding. More recently it was L-Corp being subjected to being knocked into and almost collapsing, then there was the children's’ hospital which lead to the fundraiser and even there damage was done.   
  
Lena rubbed at her eyes tiredly, her mind waging a recently recurring war. She wanted to believe in Supergirl, in heroes, in _aliens_ ; but then the Luthor in her shows itself, making its points in Lex’s voice, practically sneering at the mere thought of befriending an alien, of trusting one.    
  
She let out a frustrated groan and stood, starting to pace up and down her office, hands on her hips in a similar fashion to the way Supergirl often had them. She didn’t know what to think anymore, she wanted Lex to be wrong but more and more she noticed herself starting to think along similar lines. Finally she just plopped unceremoniously onto her couch, relaxing against it and closing her eyes. The sound of wind blowing then her balcony door opening made her tense. She knew who it was, only one person used that as an entrance. It made a wave of guilt wash over her body as she tried to clear her mind from her previous thoughts as she stood, smiling an almost genuine smile at her guest.    
  
“Supergirl, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Lena asked, reaching her hand out for the blonde to shake, surprised when the blonde pulled her into a surprisingly familiar hug; she froze for a moment before returning it.    
  
“Nothing really, was just doing my last patrol for the night and saw your light on,” she said, pulling away and shrugging, a tired smile on her face, “shouldn’t you be asleep? Or I mean, at least at home? It’s like,” the blonde looked around the office, eyes finding a clock next to the door, eyes widening comically, “Lena, it’s three in the morning!” she admonished, hands going to her hips.   
  
The brunette felt properly chastised, her cheeks turning a deep pink as she tried to downplay it, waving her hand at the hero, “I’m the CEO, I’m never off the clock,” she smiled slightly, “as are you, Supergirl.” The hero just sighed and ran a hand through her hair, grumbling under her breath in some weird language, _“Alien”, Lex spat in her ear_. It was sobering, pulling Lena back to her previous thoughts. But then again, this alien had been concerned about her health, had been upset knowing she was pushing herself so hard.    
  
“Rao,” the blonde started, rubbing over her face roughly, “Lena I don’t need as much rest as you,” the ‘you’re human’ hung in the air as she started pacing much like Lena had been not too long ago, Lena stiffened as it seemed to widen the gap between them, “you need to take better care of yourself, you need to sleep, to eat,” the brunette went to interrupt her, “nuh uh, don’t even try to tell me you eat a proper amount.”    
  
They just stared at each other, Supergirl not looking much different from a reprimanding parent, hands on hips, face slightly flushed. It was all actually quite endearing and it made warmth spread across Lena’s chest and she just nodded, smiling somewhat sheepishly. Supergirl’s shoulders dropped, the fight leaving her body as she watched Lena, who looked down at her feet.   
  
“I guess,” she started slowly, finally looking back up into deep blue eyes, “I could stand to eat and sleep more than I have been.”   
  
A smile spread across the blonde’s lips, “Glad you saw it my way,” she rocked on her heels, fingers fiddling with the gold band around her waist as she thought of what to say next, “how would you feel if-,” she bit her lip, “would it be okay if I,” she cleared her throat and mumbled under her breath, “flewyouhomemaybe?”    
  
The brunette raised her brows, stepping closer, “Mind repeating that?” her lips tugged upward at seeing this side of the normally brave and fierce hero, it made her more human. Lena’s stomach wrenched at that thought, smile slipping from her face.    
  
The blonde kicked at imaginary dirt on the ground, looking everywhere but Lena’s face as she breathed out, “Could I fly you home?” The request shocked the brunette, leaving her speechless which made Supergirl look to her, “I mean, I just wanna know you make it there safe and like, it’d be super quick and uh,” she rushed out, blushing slightly and looking away again, “yeah.”    
  
Lena watched the blonde, how the emotions just washed over her face as they came, how open she was, how vulnerable she was. Before she really thought about it, she nodded, stepping up to the hero and taking her hand. Supergirl let out a breath and smiled so brightly it rivaled the sun.

She wrapped her arms around the CEO, holding her securely against her,  “Where’s your apartment?” she whispered against Lena’s ear, the brunette was torn between melting against Supergirl’s body or stiffening back up, her body was sending so many mixed signals and her mind responded with even more complicated thoughts.    
  
“It’s just past third street, the tall glass building, mine has a balcony with a um,” her mind couldn’t come up with the word to describe it, “there’s like, this little vine thing? It’s wrapped around the guard rail.”    
  
The blonde laughed softly and nodded, “Alright, hold on tight this will only take a second.” Lena held onto her shoulders tightly, closing her eyes as she felt Supergirl push off, felt the wind whipping past her. A moment later they were touching down on her balcony and Lena took a step away from the hero, steadying herself against the railing, trying to put some distance between herself and Supergirl. It didn’t work in her favor as it caused the blonde’s brows to furrow in concern as she step forward and placed her hand on Lena’s lower back, rubbing slowly.   
  
“Hey, are you like,” she bit her lip, “are you okay?”    
  
“Yes, I’m quite fine,” she lied easily, wiping her face before putting on a practiced smile, “just not used to flying.”    
  
“Oh gosh, yeah, I didn’t even,” Supergirl grimaced and nodded, biting her lip, “I didn’t even think about that, that's on me, sorry.”    
  
Lena shook her head and stepped towards the door, “You’re fine,” she looked past the blonde and over the city, voice softening, “thank you for that, really.”    
  
“It was no problem,” she smiled before taking a step back, “get some rest and remember to eat or I’ll make sure our mutual friend gets you food,” she winked, “good night Lena, sweet dreams.”   
  
Lena didn’t have a chance to respond as she had already pushed off, flying away into the night, leaving Lena holding onto the handle of her balcony door.    
  
“Stay safe,” she whispered into the air before turning and heading into her apartment.   
  



	2. Overthinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena thinks about last night and about her mother.
> 
> Ft. one of my fave characters from a different fandom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda missed my week deadline but hey, work is pretty killer.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it, as always, read and review 
> 
> PS. I'm posting this at 1 AM there is bound to be mistakes, I apologize for any and all of them

Sunlight streamed into Lena’s apartment early the next morning, making her regret not closing the blinds before she finally dragged herself to bed last night. She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face into her pillow, groaning as she remembered how she got home. She had gotten a literal lift home from Supergirl after she came to check on her and make sure she was doing okay with the whole situation with her mother. She never came out and said that was why she stopped by, but Lena knew, it didn’t need to be said. 

Lena tried to push all the thoughts of last night, of Supergirl, from her mind and drift back off but right as she neared the brink of falling asleep her phone started going off, the imperial march ringing throughout the room signaling that it was someone on her mother’s legal team. The sound bounced around in her aching head as loud as thunder as she let it ring. The brunette groaned and rolled onto her side away from it, covering her head with her pillow to muffle the sound. It stopped only to start ringing again not even a minute and she sighed, deciding it would be easier to just give in and get the call over with. Begrudgingly, she sat up and grabbed the phone from her nightstand, debating with herself if it really was worth it before the call ended only to start ringing again. huffing and swiping to answer, lifting it to her ear.

“Hello?” she winced, she hadn't realized how much her head ached until hearing even her own voice was too much.

“Hello Ms. Luthor,” the man started, the sound of shuffling papers heard in the background, “this is Michael Korst, your mother’s lawyer,” she almost laughed and asked ‘which one’ but he continued,” we got the okay from the National City Detention Center, you’re free to visit your mother before her trial, be here at 1:30 sharp,” he said gruffly, then there was a beat of silence before he cleared his throat awkwardly, as if remembering she was a Luthor, “please.” 

Lena nodded before grimacing and pinching the bridge of her nose, realizing that he couldn't see her, “Okay thank you, Mr. Korst.” she said before hanging up. 

She groaned and flopped back into her bed, checking the time and sighing when she realized she had a little more than four hours until she had to be there. Lena decided she was going to take full advantage of that time and set an alarm for noon before tossing her phone back onto the nightstand, cringing at the sharp slap it made when it hit it’s hard wooden top. She settled back into her bed and rolled onto her other side to avoid the sunlight, her thoughts drifting to earlier last night when Kara had convinced her to visit her mother.

“She’s still your mother, Lena. Go see her for you, not anyone else.” she had said, that warm smile forming on her face like it always did when she was around the brunette. 

They had hugged when the blonde thought it was getting late and time for her to go home but like always the hug had lasted longer than what was appropriate for just friends. When they parted, their faces still close and Kara’s hands lingering on Lena’s sides, the blonde looked as though she was waging a war in her mind, her brow crinkling adorably in thought before she closed her eyes and nodded to herself. Before Lena could question her she had leaned in and kissed the corner of Lena’s mouth, just hard enough for it to be felt but not light enough to be easily forgotten. She had pulled back, her face redder than a tomato as she scrambled out a quick goodbye and practically ran out of the brunette’s office. Lena had still been standing there by the time Jess told her she was heading home, her fingers lightly touching the spot Kara’s lips had. She dismissed her before smiling and going back to her desk, starting on the work she had abandoned when the blonde showed up. She tried to push all of the thoughts of the kiss, of Kara, down so she could focus on her work. Like she always did. Kara was her friend, just a friend, she told herself over and over and over, like a mantra.

She wasn't able to stop thinking about it until she saw the blueprints on her desk and thoughts of Lex and her mother filled up her mind instead.

“His mother,” a voice in the back of her mind told her.

She ran her fingers over the comforter, tracing shapes against it as she tried to drown out the voice, instead focusing back on the kiss and trying to convince herself that it was just a friendly kiss goodbye and that they were just friends. No matter how much she said it she would never quite able to believe it though, not when her thoughts immediately wandered to the blonde, to what she may be doing in moments like this. Wondering if in the quiet, calm of morning as she’s just about to drift off if her thoughts drift to Lena. Not when she was always on Lena’s mind to the point of frustration, distracting her from work, keeping her up all hours of the night, just like last night.

She let out a deep breath and tried to relax and clear her mind of it all, closing her eyes and letting sleep take her. She had a long day ahead of her and she needed every minute she could get.

~

She stepped into the Detention Center’s front office, the front desk was empty so he stepped away from it, looking around at the incredibly bland room. She ran her fingers along a plant in one of the corners then along the cover of a pro-alien magazine sitting on one of the end tables. 

“Being pro-alien is like being pro-invasion,” Lex’s voice started, like it was a joke, “it just doesn’t make sense,” his voice finished, as if it were a punchline, cackling like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. She closed her eyes and tried to block out his laughter as she heard the sound papers being set on the desk followed by a woman's throat being cleared. She turned to the desk where a tall woman was standing, her hair was short and messy but it somehow looked right.

“How can I help you, miss?” she asked, her accent making the words come out short and crisp, almost matching the forced smile on her face. 

“I'm here to see my mother,” Lena started, stepping up to the counter as the woman turned to grab the necessary paperwork, “Lillian Luthor.”

The woman paused and turned back, her face stoic, “You're Lena Luthor?” she clarified, her voice hard but not quite as harsh as usual when people find out she’s a Luthor.

“Yes,” the brunette nodded, looking down and picking at her nails, the tone of the woman’s voice still making her nervous, “that's me.”

The woman hummed and turned back to the filing cabinet, before pulling out a sheet with a sticky note attached to the front with ‘Luthor’ written across it in sloppy handwriting, underlined three times. The woman tossed it onto the counter then grabbed a pen from her desk, holding it out for Lena. 

“It was filled out this morning by one of her lawyers,” she started, eyeing the brunette “it’s not usually allowed but your name carries weight,” Lena swallowed and nodded, her last name had definitely given her a lot of leniency when it came to the law. The woman gestured to the bottom of the paper, “All you need to do is sign the bottom then you can head back,” she nodded her head towards the door, “an officer will show you way after you’ve been cleared.” 

Lena scanned over the form then took the pen, signing the bottom of the form and sliding it towards the woman before heading towards the hallway leading further into the building, pausing briefly, “Thank you, miss?” she left the end open in question.

The woman stopped sorting the papers to turn and look at the shorter brunette, her eyes softening just barely, “Pentaghast, Cassandra Pentaghast.” she lilted out, ducking her head slightly before turning back to her papers when Lena hummed.

“Thank you, Miss Pentaghast.” she said softly, tightening her grip on the strap of her purse before continuing down the hall.

The hall was long and the lights above her occasionally flickered out, making the walk even more ominous. Her heart started picking up when she saw the guard stationed outside of the visitation rooms, she walked up to him and he silently pushed a bin into her hands. The question was on her lips but he just sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Put all of your belongings in the tote then you can head back,” he said gruffly as he looked away from her, sighing, “guess your brother got all the smarts,” he muttered under his breath, making her flinch.

She put her purse in the bin, checking her suit pockets were empty before taking the bin to the guard station next to the visitation rooms’ entrance. The woman behind it gave her a tired smile before taking the bin and instructing her to step through the metal detector before heading into the room, she reassured the brunette it was the last step. 

Lena walked between the two bars, they flashed green and the woman leaned out of the window to give her a thumbs up as the lock clicked open. The brunette took a deep breath to mentally prepare herself before steeling her resolve and walking into the room where her mother was already seated. The bright orange of the jumpsuit was the first thing to catch Lena’s attention. The handcuffs were the second, the bright lights overhead glinting off of the steel.

You’re doing this for you, she echoed what Kara had told her as she took a seat across from her mother. 

Her eyes traced the line of Lillian’s mouth, the cruel smile breaking out across her face paired with the icy look in her eyes made her seem even more predatory.

 

“Hello, mother.”


	3. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's visit with Lillian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to post this despite it being done for like a month, I'm sorry about that guys, but here it is.

“You really did a number on me in court,” is the first thing out of her mother’s mouth, “the jury just ate it up.” and before Lena can even respond Lillian’s hand goes up to silence her, “No no, I don’t want to fight,” her mother says lowly and Lena looks down at her hands, her fingers tracing shapes against the table between them.

“I called you here to say I forgive you,” her eyes scan Lena’s face for any flicker of emotion at her words, anything she could use against her, “and that I still love you.”  
Lena hates that she sinks into the uncomfortably cold metal chair at her mother’s words, that they still make her feel wanted if only for a moment before what she realizes what’s coming next. She straightens back up in her chair, noticeably stiff in comparison to her mother’s more relaxed posture. Lillian tilts her head in what Lena is sure is false concern, trying to make Lena fall more into the trap she set when she told her she loved her.

“You only tell me you love me when you need something from me,” she starts warily, her eyes meeting Lillian’s as she leans forward on her elbows, “what is it you need now?”   
Her mother sighs and smiles sadly, “I know I wasn’t the best mother,” Lena rolls her eyes and looks away as Lillian continues, almost pleadingly, “but I do love you, I did the best I could.”

Lena laughs humorlessly, raising her brows, “Really? By making me feel like an outsider?” she asks incredulously, “by making me feel unwanted?” she scoffs and rolls her eyes, crossing her arms.

Her mother’s eyes flash dangerously, “You don’t want to believe it,” she leans forward and Lena subconsciously leans further away, “but I always tried to protected you.”  
Lena looks away from her, her mother’s gaze becoming too much for here, “If dad could see you now,” she closes her eyes and shakes her head, “after all the things you’ve done and justified.”

Lillian balls her fists up at the mention of her late husband, knuckles turning white, “You hold Lionel up as some kind of saint,” her jaw clenches, “but he’s not.” 

“Don’t,” Lena stands, leaning over the table, “he was a good man.” 

Her mother slouches and Lena is sure it’s the first time she’s seen her sit with anything less than perfect posture. She looks away from her and sighs, “If he was such a good man then he would have told you the truth,” a quiet anger still lacing her voice, “but he hated me too much to do that.”

Lena narrows her eyes and slowly sits back down, crossing her arms over her chest defensively, waiting for her mother to continue. Lillian tilts her head in thought, raising an eyebrow challengingly, making Lena roll her eyes.

“Tell me the truth about what?” she asks, finally giving in.

Her mother’s shoulders straighten up and she clears her throat, “After Lex was born, your father started,” she paused and looked down at the table, at the cuffs around her hands, “he started having an affair.”

Lena stiffens and her arms tighten around herself as her mother continues, “I was clueless and only found out when I went to surprise him on a business trip,” their eyes meet and Lillian smile coldly, “and found him with your mother.”

Lena swallows thickly, her lip trembling, “My mother?” her voice cracks and she hates the way Lillian’s mouth twitches slightly, knowing she hit a nerve.  
“She was already pregnant with you by then,” she looks down at her nails seemingly bored, “your father paid her off then came back and tried to rebuild our marriage,” Lena feels sick to her stomach thinking that her actual mother was forced into silence.

Lillian leans forward and covers her hands with her own, her skin almost unnaturally cool against Lena’s, “We heard that she passed away when you were four,” her heart clenched as she shut her eyes and her mother squeezed her hands, “your father decided to bring you home, to adopt you, so we did.” 

Lena’s lip trembles and a tear manages to slip out before she can stop it, but her mother didn’t stop.

“He didn’t want me spending time with you,” she leaned back in her chair and shrugged, “maybe it reminded him of what he had done, made him feel guilty, it made him lash out,” Lena looked up from her lap, instead watching the way Lillian’s lip trembled slightly as she spoke, “so I stayed away, to protect you.” 

Lena wipes at her own face quickly as her mother leans forward again, and this time Lena doesn’t lean away, “I want a second chance with you,” Lillian’s eyes are glassy, “please, honey?” 

That breaks Lena’s resolve and she just nods, not trusting her voice, and places her hands on top of her mother’s. Lillian smiles and squeezes her hands, lacing their fingers together before the guard from earlier hits the chain link wall with his baton and startling them. He cleared his throat gruffly and pushed it’s door open, his face is stoic and his voice harsh when he informs them their time is up. 

“I guess I’ll see you later,” her mother drawls, slipping back into her cold, nonchalant demeanor, “in court, once again,” she adds with that predatory smile that makes Lena almost doubt the whole conversation they just had, her chest aches familiarly at the thought of it being fake, like most of their moments tended to be, but she can’t focus on it when Lex’s voice fills her head again. 

“Well look at this,” his voice has an arrogant air to it, but it’s a welcome change from the harsh whispers and manic ranting she’s almost become to expect from him, “mom and sis, reunited again,” he barks out a rough laugh and the sneer slips back into his voice, “‘cause that worked out so well for her last time. First you got her arrested and on the track to be put in jail, what are gonna do next? Kill her?” his laugh fills her head, making it feel crowded and fuzzy before eventually fading out, leaving just an odd white noise buzzing in her ears.

She swallows thickly and blinks a few times, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a moment, attempting to clear the incessant buzz from her head. Lillian clears her throat to get her attention and Lena realizes her mother is watching her, her brow raised in question and eyes calculating. The noise fizzles out when she stands and puts some distance between herself and her mother, nodding her head.

“Yes, I’ll see you then,” she heads for the door where the guard is waiting impatiently, pausing and looking back over her shoulder, “mom.”


End file.
